Post by Chris on Dec 26, 2005 17:52:20 GMT
Copy of the match report for reference. The original report, with pictures, is on the Pissboy World Cup website.
First Round Match: Dave McGauchie v Scott Clark
This first game showed a lot of promise from the start. The two competitors are well known for slurring a load of drunken nonsense on any night out, and last night was no exception.
The game kicked off at around 4pm in the Festival Tavern in Edinburgh, where Dave and Scott decided to get an early start before any of the judges had even turned up. After a good six hours of drinking, the Pissboy committee (comprising Dobz, Glasgow and myself) finally joined the competitors to find them talking a load of drunken bollocks. Dave declared himself to be “not very drunk”, and then proceeded to make an attempt at chatting up a confused Chinese woman who was trying to sell roses. This culminated in Dave buying a rose from said woman, and then giving it straight back to her. She bowed deeply to him, and then ran away.
Meanwhile, Scott earned himself some Pissboy points by talking in a loud voice about shoving things down one’s Japs eye. This drew some strange looks from the barman who came across right at that moment to collect some glasses.
A humourous half-time entertainment session from Dobz set the table roaring with laughter as he explained Chang’s idea for a television show entitled “When Rape Goes Wrong!”, which involves a man accidently raping his own mother after becoming confused about which house he is supposed to be breaking into.
The drunken tomfoolery continued as Dave seemed to break some form of drunken barrier. He began throwing his limbs around and shouting things that made absolutely no sense, which kept everyone completely bamboozled but highly amused. At some point he managed to lose his balance and became trapped between his chair and the table, and then spent a good 30 seconds or so trying to maintain his balance by waving his arms around like a lunatic while everyone pissed themselves laughing. Through some bizarre form of Dave magic, he managed to straighten up, and got back in his chair like nothing had happened. He then spent the rest of the night shouting “YA WEE BASTARDS” at every available opportunity.
Despite the double vodkas he was downing, Scott’s game seemed to slow to a halt. Promises of snorting some vinegar were never kept, and he gradually began to fade into Dave’s background. Dave earned himself a million points by asking if anyone had ever been caught by their mum trying to give themselves a blowjob, and stating that if he was ever caught doing this he’d start somersaulting around the room in an effort to make it look innocent.
The game moved on to the Citrus Club, but not before Dave terrorised the streets of Edinburgh with his drunken shenanigans, charging around screaming and falling over like some kind of angry rhino.
By the time the Pissboys reached the club, everyone present was well and truly drunk. Scott had reached that level of drunkenness which involves a lot of standing around quietly with your eyes half-shut, while Dave continued to be the hyper fool that he is, still shouting utter nonsense. For some reason everyone thought it would be hilarious to start chanting “RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!”, which I’m sure only made people scared.
An hour or so of swaggering to indie music on the dance floor rounded off an excellent night. Dave headed home safe in the knowledge that he was through to the quarter finals after an absolutely stunning display of drunken antics, but an overall poor performance from Scott sends him crashing out of the Cup, the first casualty of the unpredictable but highly entertaining world of Pissboy.
Verdict: Dave McGauchie win.
First Round Match: Dave McGauchie v Scott Clark
This first game showed a lot of promise from the start. The two competitors are well known for slurring a load of drunken nonsense on any night out, and last night was no exception.
The game kicked off at around 4pm in the Festival Tavern in Edinburgh, where Dave and Scott decided to get an early start before any of the judges had even turned up. After a good six hours of drinking, the Pissboy committee (comprising Dobz, Glasgow and myself) finally joined the competitors to find them talking a load of drunken bollocks. Dave declared himself to be “not very drunk”, and then proceeded to make an attempt at chatting up a confused Chinese woman who was trying to sell roses. This culminated in Dave buying a rose from said woman, and then giving it straight back to her. She bowed deeply to him, and then ran away.
Meanwhile, Scott earned himself some Pissboy points by talking in a loud voice about shoving things down one’s Japs eye. This drew some strange looks from the barman who came across right at that moment to collect some glasses.
A humourous half-time entertainment session from Dobz set the table roaring with laughter as he explained Chang’s idea for a television show entitled “When Rape Goes Wrong!”, which involves a man accidently raping his own mother after becoming confused about which house he is supposed to be breaking into.
The drunken tomfoolery continued as Dave seemed to break some form of drunken barrier. He began throwing his limbs around and shouting things that made absolutely no sense, which kept everyone completely bamboozled but highly amused. At some point he managed to lose his balance and became trapped between his chair and the table, and then spent a good 30 seconds or so trying to maintain his balance by waving his arms around like a lunatic while everyone pissed themselves laughing. Through some bizarre form of Dave magic, he managed to straighten up, and got back in his chair like nothing had happened. He then spent the rest of the night shouting “YA WEE BASTARDS” at every available opportunity.
Despite the double vodkas he was downing, Scott’s game seemed to slow to a halt. Promises of snorting some vinegar were never kept, and he gradually began to fade into Dave’s background. Dave earned himself a million points by asking if anyone had ever been caught by their mum trying to give themselves a blowjob, and stating that if he was ever caught doing this he’d start somersaulting around the room in an effort to make it look innocent.
The game moved on to the Citrus Club, but not before Dave terrorised the streets of Edinburgh with his drunken shenanigans, charging around screaming and falling over like some kind of angry rhino.
By the time the Pissboys reached the club, everyone present was well and truly drunk. Scott had reached that level of drunkenness which involves a lot of standing around quietly with your eyes half-shut, while Dave continued to be the hyper fool that he is, still shouting utter nonsense. For some reason everyone thought it would be hilarious to start chanting “RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!”, which I’m sure only made people scared.
An hour or so of swaggering to indie music on the dance floor rounded off an excellent night. Dave headed home safe in the knowledge that he was through to the quarter finals after an absolutely stunning display of drunken antics, but an overall poor performance from Scott sends him crashing out of the Cup, the first casualty of the unpredictable but highly entertaining world of Pissboy.
Verdict: Dave McGauchie win.